Is sleep training really necessary?

To sleep train or not to sleep train? This is a question that has become quite controversial over the past few years and has caused doubt and confusion for many parents who have considered sleep training with their child.

Unfortunately, the internet doesn’t help much, as you will likely find conflicting information that leaves you even more confused on what sleep training is and where to start. This is why we feel it is important to educate parents around the concept of sleep training and factors to consider as you decide what is best for your family.

So, what is sleep training really?

The idea behind sleep training is to help teach your child to sleep independently and when you look up the actual definition of sleep training, it is linked to the cry-it-out method which is why many parents associate sleep training (or even sleep consultants) with crying it out.

The truth is, that there are MANY methods and approaches that can be followed when sleep training, but many of them do include periods of crying, controlled or uncontrolled.

This is why at My Sweet Sleeper we prefer to use the term “sleep teaching or learning”.

Sleep Teaching

Sleeping is as natural to our bodies as eating and breathing. Regardless of our individual sleep habits and needs, there is not a human on this planet that can survive without sleep. So it might seem odd that we have to “train” our babies to sleep when it is something they should just know how to do, right?

This is why we view ourselves as more of a teacher or a guide, rather than a trainer.

But the reality is that as our babies get older and move through different development stages, they are learning to adjust to their environment, and sleep is greatly affected by our environment.

Our bodies know we need to sleep, but there are so many things that prevent us from getting the sleep we need. Distractions, over-stimulation, irregular sleep schedules, and sleep-associations (to name a few) are all factors that can affect our sleep cycles.

For example, if your baby wants to sleep and her body is sending those cues and signals, but she isn’t put to sleep within her sleep window, she is going to have a hard time falling asleep due to becoming over-tired. Many parents won’t know this, though, because it takes time for your child to develop a natural sleep cycle and for you to be able to recognize that cycle to help her get the best sleep possible.

So back to the question of whether or not you should sleep train. We believe that there are many ways to help a baby sleep (such as implementing healthy foundations), without needing to take the approach of sleep training per say. However, we do believe that practicing independent sleep skills with your baby when they are ready is a great way to help them (and you) get the sleep you all need!

Let me explain…

While sleeping isn’t a skill you learn, habits are and all babies will form them over time. Maybe you rock your baby or feed them to sleep each and every time they wake-up. While this isn’t necessarily a “bad” habit, this may be something you want to move away from if it is taxing on you. Of course, each child is going to be unique in their specific needs when it comes to sleep, so the way in which we approach this is certainly not a one-size-fits all.

It is important to choose an approach that best addresses your child’s current sleep habits and your goals around healthy sleep in your household. Some parents might also decide they want to focus on the healthy sleep part of sleep teaching, but not necessarily the teaching of independent sleeping.

While an “independent sleeper” is also a term that confuses many, this is certainly your choice as a parent and you may choose to be more involved in the process of your child’s sleep than others. This is perfectly fine and doesn’t mean you can’t also teach your child healthy sleep hygiene.

You don’t even need to call it sleep teaching, if you prefer!

Which method is right for my child?

As TJ Gold, a pediatrician based in NYC, says, “There is no one right way to get your child to sleep. There are many different ways.”

But before you dive into specific methods or approaches, you need to also consider your child’s age and temperament. Healthy sleep habits can be taught at any age, but expectations of sleep should follow which stage your child is in developmentally.

For example, at two months old, your child will likely need to be given a feed many times throughout the night, whereas a seven or eight month old is likely capable developmentally to sleep continuously throughout the night without a feed (although some babies still need overnight feeds up to 1 year).

All sleep teaching should be based on the foundation of setting up healthy sleep, so regardless of your child’s age, this should always be top of mind. Some factors to consider first are sleep environment, appropriate sleep schedules, awake times, nutrition, and routine. Without these foundations in place, sleep training is likely not going to be effective.

It is also possible that when focusing on these foundations, the sleep challenges your child is facing could be corrected, simply through addressing the root of the issue. In our culture we often want an immediate change, without getting to the root of the challenge, but this step should not be skipped. I often see in my practice that a few tweaks here or there to the child’s nutrition and awake windows were all that was needed in order to correct short naps or early risings. So starting here (with the child’s foundation) is always the first step.

In terms of choosing a specific sleep method, there are upwards of 30/40 methods that have been developed by doctors and sleep specialists to help your child learn to sleep better and ultimately you have to make the choice that works best for your family, but I would urge you to do more research before you embark on the journey of “training” your baby to sleep and/or following a crying approach with your baby which may not be needed.

Remember that babies often learn skills as they are ready so if your baby is struggling now it doesn’t mean these habits will stick forever. But through the process of teaching you can start practicing these skills and then once your baby is ready they will likely click!

But consistently taking the time to work with your child and setting up a foundation of good sleep hygiene will make a huge difference long-term. If you feel more comfortable working with a professional, you can always contact a sleep consultant to help walk you through this process. We are happy to answer any questions you have about the sleep teaching process!

Related:
The truth about the cry-it-out method and sleep training
Combating the early morning wake-up
How to establish healthy habits for your newborn
How to get your baby to go to sleep & stay asleep