Five steps to responding to night wake ups.
We’ve all been there… It’s 2am and you’ve finally fallen back to sleep only to hear the cries of your sweet baby…again! You know they can’t be hungry- they just ate an hour ago! But feeding them seems to be the fastest way to get back to sleep.
We feel you, Mama! When it is the middle of the night, you want to do whatever is quickest and easiest to get your baby and yourself back to bed. However, some methods of helping your baby will be more supportive of restful sleep in the future than others. For example, feeding back to sleep is a solution that often works in the moment, but may cause further wake-ups down the road when offered too frequently.
While feeding to sleep is completely normal and encouraged, and for most babies they still need feeds overnight in the first year, it isn’t sustainable to be doing this 4-5 times throughout the night.
So what are you to do when your baby wakes up two, three, four + times and is struggling to fall back asleep?
Here at My Sweet Sleeper, we have a five-step process that we follow which is simply a guideline to help manage those wakings in the middle of the night.
Step 1: Pause and assess your baby’s cries
Before rushing to respond to your baby’s sounds, wait and listen to see what happens next. Are they just stirring and getting comfortable? Are they just looking for their pacifier? Or do they actually need your help? For younger babies (0-4 months), wait a minute or two to see if they will go back to sleep. As your baby gets older, you can give them a bit more time if they have shown you they have the ability to fall back asleep on their own.. Whines, soft cries, or lulls in between cries are all signs that baby your baby may be trying to fall back asleep on their own and should be given the space to try. If you never give them the opportunity to practice, they might not learn to go back to sleep on their own.
Many parents worry that not responding to their baby’s cries right away will be damaging to their child. However, a few minutes of crying actually can do more good than harm. An Australian study split 6-16-month-old babies into groups. One group was the control group, where parents continued responding to cries right away as usual. The other two groups gave babies a few minutes to try to self-regulate when they woke up.
Overall, the self-regulation group had lower cortisol (stress) levels, fell asleep faster, and were less likely to wake up in the middle of the night than the control group. When mothers were surveyed a year later, there was no evidence of emotional difficulties, trauma, or insecure attachments. However, to be clear, always use your instinct and respond based on what you feel is best. We are talking about a few minutes here of soft crying or fussing, not long periods of crying. And if your child is hysterical you should respond right away.
Step 2: Help calm your child while in the crib
Try to help your baby back to sleep without removing them from the crib. The goal here is to make them feel safe in their own crib and help prevent overstimulation with a lot of pick up/put down. Often babies will fall back asleep when you help them find their pacifier, bring their hand to their mouth to suck, rub their head, pat their bum, etc… whatever works for your baby!
Continue trying for 5-7 minutes or longer if your baby has calmed down. Continuing to practice this routine will get them used to their sleep space and help them receive other soothing methods that may have not been previously used.
Step 3: Rock and bounce
Pick your baby up out of their crib and help to calm them down by rocking, bouncing, or whatever works for them.. If this isn’t successful after some time and your baby isn’t calming down, try switching off with your partner if possible. If your child is due for a feed, offer one, but if not try to continue to help your baby calm down by rocking or bouncing.
Step 4: Lay back down
Lay your baby back in the crib. For babies who are just learning, stay for a few minutes and keep your hand on them until you know they are asleep. For sensitive sleepers, try to put them down once they have calmed down and are back in a sleepy state.
Step 5: Repeat
If your baby is still upset after this process, hang in there! This will not last forever! Give your baby a few minutes in their crib again while you take a few minutes for yourself to breathe. Then, repeat the process. Don’t get discouraged– your baby WILL go to sleep!
Handling night wake-ups can be one of the most difficult parts of baby sleep because if baby is awake, you are awake. But don’t worry, Mama! Remember, you can do this. Remember that you were given your instincts for a reason and this is simply a guideline. If something doesn’t feel right to you, change up the process and respond with the best approach for you and your baby.