The biggest challenges & misconceptions with sleep training/teaching
Within the first few months of becoming a pediatric sleep consultant and having clients come to me with their child’s sleep issues, I had already started seeing patterns. Although every child is different and has unique challenges, many of the same solutions apply to the various issues. Additionally, parents might have the same preconceived notions about what sleep training will entail.
What are some of those myths and misconceptions about sleep training? What surprises parents the most about the way we approach their child’s sleep issues? And what do parents find most challenging about the process? Let’s just jump right in, firsthand from a certified pediatric sleep consultant.
What do clients tend to think that sleep training is?
Myth #1: Sleep training means letting your baby cry it out during night wakings.
No, no, no! The cry-it-out method has definitely given the term “sleep training” a bad reputation, when that is not at all what it entails! At My Sweet Sleeper, before we do any kind of sleep training, we always address the foundations of sleep: environment, routine, nutrition, and schedule. More often than not, if these foundations are fixed, there is no need for any kind of “sleep training” at all! However, even when sleep training IS required, it doesn’t have to mean the “cry-it-out method.” It’s true that we can’t control crying and so we can never guarantee your baby won’t cry, but we would never suggest that parents ignore their baby’s cries.
The great thing about working with parents one-on-one, rather than only offering a generic class for all parents to take, is that we can cater to each parent’s specific desires and comfort levels when it comes to crying. However, once again, “sleep training” and crying are often not needed at all when the proper sleep foundations are addressed!
Myth #2: Sleep training/teaching will help my baby sleep better forever.
Sadly, this usually isn’t true. Teaching a child independent sleep skills when they are ready can definitely help promote long term habits, but it is not a linear process, meaning that your child is going to have ups and downs, especially as they progress developmentally. If you notice that teaching independent skills has helped for a time but then baby starts to struggle again, remember this is totally normal!
Myth #3: Babies need to automatically be “sleep trained” once they reach a certain age.
As mentioned above, babies don’t actually ever have to be sleep trained at all if that is not the goal of the parent and in many cases addressing the areas of foundations is all that was needed so formal sleep training/teaching isn’t necessarily needed. But there definitely isn’t an age when babies automatically need to be taught independent skills. It just depends on the child, the goals of the family, and the challenges present.
What surprises parents the most about sleep training?
Most sleep problems can be solved just by addressing the foundations, as mentioned above in myth #1.
Day and night sleep are so interconnected. For parents who come to us with the goal being to eliminate their baby’s night wakings, they are often surprised and confused when we start talking about the need for them to shorten awake windows between daytime naps. This solution seems unrelated, but we explain how everything is connected. When a baby’s awake windows are too long, they become overtired, which often causes short naps and/or frequent night wakings. In the same way, sometimes parents will say, “I’m okay with my baby’s short naps; I just want to stop these early morning risings!” Once again, we have to explain that everything is interconnected, and in order to fix the early morning rising, we will probably end up lengthening the short naps, as well! Win-win!
Giving a child a later bedtime will not help them sleep in later the next morning, or that having less/shorter naps will not help them get longer nighttime sleep. This is such a common myth, and it makes sense why. Naturally we assume that if someone is really really tired, they will sleep better that night. In our heads, that makes sense! However, sleep science says otherwise. When babies are overtired, either from awake windows that are too long or from naps that are too short, that overtiredness almost always backfires and causes night sleep to be worse! This goes back to #2 above - everything is interconnected!
What do parents struggle with the most during sleep training?
I mentioned this in Myth #1 above, but some parents really struggle with understanding that not all crying is bad, and while we do not promote CIO, we also can’t control our baby’s cries. Even when soothing our babies they can continue to cry and in some cases many babies may let out a soft cry and fall asleep quickly after and if we as parents are constantly going in we may end up interrupting that process and making it harder for them to fall asleep! I always make sure to tell clients the whole idea of the “sweet spot.”
Many babies have a sweet spot where they fall asleep after being put down and may have some soft cries or fussing in the process. My first daughter had a 20-minute sweet spot. It felt horrible at first, but we realized that when we let her fuss for 20 minutes after being put down for sleep, she would instantly fall asleep at that 20-minute mark! If we went in before that, we were essentially making it worse. My second daughter? She thankfully only needs about 10 seconds of crying and then she’s out! The point is, parents need to figure out what their baby needs, and then apply that to this process. It’s helpful to know what the studies show that as long as you are providing that safe, loving space for your baby in so many other ways a few minutes of soft crying before sleep will not damage your parent-child bond!
It is also important to know that at My Sweet Sleeper, we are fans of the 80/20 rule - the idea that as long as you are consistent with sleep 80% of the time, it’s okay to live your life and be a bit off-plan 20% of the time. However, some parents who have active lifestyles with late nights out often struggle with this, and the truth is that children can’t form good sleep habits if their environment, routine, and schedule are always changing!
If you are ready to help your baby or child get better sleep, know that we are here to help! If you are willing to put in the effort to make the changes that will help your child long-term, we would love to coach you along the way! Click here to book a free 30 minute discovery call, where we can hear a little bit of your situation and help you choose which package is best for you (an hour, a week, or a month of coaching). Or if you already know what package you would like (weekly is our most popular), go ahead and book here!
Related Articles:
My journey with sleep training
Five tips to teach your baby how to self-soothe
How to establish healthy habits for your newborn