Why do babies fight sleep?

Dec 20

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably experienced the frustration of trying to get a baby to sleep only to find that your little one refuses to cooperate. New parents often come up against this challenge, and they’re often too tired to figure out the answer!

We’ve been there. Babies (and, let’s be honest, kids in general) keep us on our toes, and fighting sleep is high on the list. Even the phrasing itself, “fighting sleep,” conjures images of conflict and tension. But it doesn’t have to be a battle! With the proper support, you and your baby can both achieve a healthy relationship with sleep.

In the meantime, you may be wondering: why do babies fight sleep? They’re tired, you’re tired, so what’s the problem?

A whole host of reasons could be responsible for your infant’s rejection to sleep, and in nearly every case it’s about one thing: unmet needs. If you’re able to identify what they’re looking for and soothe them accordingly, your baby’s resistant sleep behaviors will subside.

Possible reasons behind this behavior

It’s tempting for exhausted parents to assume a baby fighting to stay awake is just being stubborn, but that’s almost never the root cause. As adults, we know the value of a good night’s sleep, but an infant doesn’t understand why they’re upset or how a nap might help them feel better. They only know what they feel right now, and if something’s not right they’re going to fuss and struggle to make their case.

That’s why routines are so important when putting a baby to sleep, but if your child is fighting bedtime then it might be time for a new plan. Fortunately, there’s always an explanation, and here are some of the most common culprits and how to avoid them.

Overtiredness

Overtired babies tend to fuss and have difficulty settling down compared to babies with better balance in their sleep routines. Overtiredness creates a vicious cycle: the more tired and grumpy they become, the harder it is for them to fall asleep, their cortisol spikes, melatonin decreases, and its not a pretty picture.

Although the idea of a busy day with very few naps seems like a good way to get your baby down for the night, it often completely backfires. By disrupting their circadian rhythm, your child’s sleep patterns won’t line up with their body’s ability to fall asleep in their ideal window. If it seems like your baby is chronically overtired, ensuring they are going to sleep in an age-appropriate window is the first place to start.

Similarly, an undertired baby will fight sleep too; if they’re napping excessively during daytime hours, they’ll probably resist going to sleep at sundown. It’s important to strike the balance between overtired and undertired by observing your baby’s individual sleep requirements and adjusting their regular activities and naps to reflect them.

Hunger (or Fullness)

Hungry babies seek nourishment and likewise babies who are too full can’t get comfortable, so both are left alert and unhappy instead of sleeping soundly. Some foods hinder their sleep quality even more, and timing your feeding can be crucial for success.

To stave off sleep-depriving hunger, plan a feeding within 1-2 hours of their typical bedtime so they can begin digesting without being ready for more yet. Trial and error is usually necessary to figure out the best strategy and timing for your baby’s feeds and remember-you know your baby best! That perfect sleep and feeding schedule doesn’t necessarily exist, but finding a regular rhythm has the potential to eliminate most, if not all, of the obstacles standing in the way of your baby’s ability to fall asleep.

Discomfort

Another cause of resistant sleep in babies is basic discomfort, and it isn’t always obvious or visually apparent. It helps to know what developmental stage your baby is in to address any discomfort and optimize their sleep.

Illnesses like colds, the flu, ear or sinus infections, and allergies can also highly impact entire family’s sleep routine. Following home remedies and advice from your medical provider/pediatrician can be a resource whenever you suspect a medical issue, and a skilled sleep consultant can help with some useful tips.

Other less-harmful discomforts could be responsible for keeping babies up at night too, such as digestive problems (gas, reflux, etc.) or teething. Their clothing could also be bothering them if it’s too hot, tight, or irritating on their skin, and a single outfit change might be the difference between fighting sleep and drifting off to dreamland.

Developmental milestones

Why do babies fight sleep? Believe it or not, biology actually has a pretty big role. If your little one is hitting some big developmental milestones such as learning to roll over, crawl, or walk, you can expect this to impact sleep. Also, babbling babies will chatter away (as you definitely heard over the monitor!) though they’ll often talk themselves asleep after a few minutes.

Unfortunately, there’s not much to be done about sleep issues surrounding developmental milestones other than practicing these new skills during the day as much as possible. It’s a good thing your little one is growing and gaining independence, mobility, and curiosity! In fact, the real concern lies in a lack of interest or participation in these experiences. For instance, if your baby hates tummy time, they risk missing out on the physical health benefits of that exercise. When your baby is reaching new developmental milestones, do your best to remain consistent with their sleep patterns, as new patterns or routines during these stages could end up sticking when you don’t want them to.

Separation anxiety or sleep associations

Babies who develop separation anxiety hate to be apart from their caregivers, even for a short period of time. As a result, they’ll get agitated or upset if left alone, especially if they prefer co-sleeping. While it’s tough to deal with separation anxiety since most babies have to overcome it through exposure, it’s definitely something you can tackle gradually as a family.

Along those lines, certain sleep approaches or associations can impact your child’s sleep as well. They may become reliant on a specific sleep environment (such as a swing, the car, etc.), being held for all naps, co-sleeping, etc. to a point where changes in these associations lead to resistance. These things aren’t necessarily “bad” and contact naps are a beautiful thing, but when they are the only way your baby will sleep, or you’ve developed routines that you don’t necessarily want to continue, this can be challenging for all of you. Variables like travel also make it difficult for babies to settle, so they inevitably fight sleep. If a baby is overstimulated by their surroundings because of bright lights, loud noises, or active distractions, they’ll struggle to wind down for the night.