How to manage sleep for your baby with separation anxiety.
The first few months with your little one can feel like a blur. It’s both a precious time of bonding and the redundancy of feeding, play, and sleep.
While sleep is critical to the health and development of your baby, it’s not always easy. This is especially true if your little one is suffering from separation anxiety.
In this post, we explore the developmental stage of separation anxiety and what you can do to help manage your little one's sleep during this challenging time.
What is separation anxiety?
A baby with separation anxiety may become clingy, fearful of people, and cry when they are left alone. Although this is a normal stage of child development, it is understandably distressing for both you and your little one.
This normally develops once your baby gains an understanding of object permanence which is usually around the age of 4 – 5 months. At this time, your little one is grasping the concept that toys, people, and other things exist even when they are not in view.
How to identify if your baby has separation anxiety
Separation anxiety can present differently in each child, but you are unlikely to miss the tell-tale signs in your little one.
A baby with separation anxiety may display the following changes in behavior:
They may become tense around strangers and appear shy even around people they know and regularly see.
Your baby might cry or become distressed when you leave them with a relative or caregiver.
When you place your baby in the crib and leave the room, they may cry until you return.
Your little one may wake up in distress frequently throughout the night in search of you.
How long does it last?
The good news is that separation anxiety typically peaks between 10 and 18 months of age and usually fades by the time a child is 3 years old. Like other phases of development, this too shall pass, and your little one will develop a growing sense of independence and confidence.
Helping separation anxiety for your baby
If you have a baby with separation anxiety, it is natural to feel a sense of frustration. The routines you have in place with your little one may no longer be working, and something as simple as you going to the bathroom might trigger distress in your baby. That loss of independence (and privacy) is something every parent can relate to.
However, you can do a few things to help your little one through this stage.
Practice leaving
Take the time during the day to practice leaving with your baby. At a time when your little one is calm and settled, tell your baby, "I'll be right back," and briefly leave the room. When you return, happily greet your little one.
Playing games like hide-and-seek and peek-a-boo are also great options with this strategy.
Do not sneak away
If you are leaving your child with a carer, do not sneak away. Although it may feel tempting not to say goodbye to avoid your little one becoming distressed when you leave, sneaking away teaches your child that you could disappear anytime.
Always say goodbye and reassure your little one that you will be back.
Encourage independent play
Independent play builds essential skills for your baby, such as persistence, problem-solving, patience, and resilience. These skills are necessary for working through the development stage of separation anxiety. Assist your little one to play independently by staying in sight but far enough away that your baby has space to play on their own.
What to do for sleep
A baby with separation anxiety can become very distressed when left in their crib at sleep time. This distress can be exhausting for parents who had come to appreciate more consistent sleep in the months before the separation anxiety started.
If your child is struggling with being left alone at sleep time, try these tips:
Leave the nursery door open- Your little one may be reassured to hear your voice in the next room.
Control your emotions- While you may be feeling anxious or frustrated about the situation, your little one feeds off your emotions, so try and stay calm.
Give your baby a transitional object- If your little one is at a safe age to have a toy or blankie in the crib, this may provide comfort when they are left to sleep.
Keep a consistent routine- A solid bedtime routine will help your little one to unwind and stay calm, making it easier for you to leave the room.
While separation anxiety can be a challenging developmental stage, it is actually a sign that the bond you have created with your little one is strong and healthy. However, it can be tricky to navigate, and many parents lean on professional advice to help manage their baby's sleep.
My Sweet Sleeper is dedicated to helping parents ensure their little ones (and you!) get the sleep they need. We are certified pediatric sleep consultants and understand how frustrating separation anxiety can be. With one-on-one personalized coaching and the opportunity to connect with other parents in group sessions, we can provide the support you need to get through this challenging time.
Reach out to us today to find out how we can help you and your little one sleep more sweetly.
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