Three tips for setting bedtime boundaries with your child.
As a parent, you may often hear the term “setting boundaries”. But sometimes it’s hard to know what that even means when it comes to your child! It can feel daunting; maybe you don’t really know where to start, or maybe you automatically think that setting boundaries means being harsh with your child.
It seems that boundaries tend to get misunderstood and many parents don’t know how to when they don’t want to take a harsh approach with their child. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry! I have good news for you!
When we talk about boundaries, what we’re really talking about is setting a limit or expectation with our child and being consistent. It is best if this can be done in a loving and calm way. When we can set loving, clear limits with our child, we are modelling positive and healthy behaviors. This helps children learn what is expected of them, increasing bedtime predictability and decreasing anxiety. Additionally, we help them understand a positive way of interacting with others while also helping them to develop cognitive and emotional skills, including the development of empathy.
When it comes to bedtime, setting boundaries around sleep can make the process of going to bed much smoother! Here are three tips for setting boundaries around bedtime.
Be open and clear about expectations before bedtime
We want our children to know exactly what is expected of them so that it doesn’t come as a surprise when mom or dad says “Okay, time for bed!”. Feeling caught off guard can often make children feel upset that they suddenly have to go to bed when they were enjoying themselves. Being clear about what is expected of your child (and when), will help him feel prepared for when it’s time to head to bed. For example, you could say something like:
“Okay sweetie, it’s going to be bedtime in 10 minutes. We’re going to go upstairs, have a bath, brush your teeth, put on your pj’s, read two books, and then it’s sleepy time”.
When you approach bedtime this way, you are giving your child a clear heads up about what will happen shortly, and it won’t be a surprise.
Follow a predictable naptime and bedtime routine
You may already have a typical naptime and bedtime routine that you follow before your child goes to sleep – if you do, that’s great! Did you know that following a predictable set of steps can decrease anxiety levels and uncertainty in our children? When children have clear, outlined expectations, they do not have to take it upon themselves to wonder what will happen next, which can be a lot for a little one to manage! Being consistent with a naptime or bedtime routine can help take some of the guesswork out of the situation for our children and lighten their mental load. This leads to a calmer child going to bed which helps with falling asleep and staying asleep!
Be loving, understanding, and firm with expectations.
At one point or another, I’m sure your child has pushed back on some of your rules or limits. Especially when you’re dealing with toddlers - they love to give us a little challenge! It’s very important to set expectations with our children, while coming from a loving place. When we set loving and firm boundaries with children, it simply means that we are understanding of their viewpoint, while also holding firm with our expectations of them. You may be wondering how to do this!
Let’s take a look at this example - you may have gone through your child’s bedtime routine and then he says:
“But I want one more story!”
You may want to say “No more stories! We already read two books – go to sleep!”, which would likely end up with an upset child and a frustrated parent!
If you can reframe the situation, and be understanding, while also being firm with the expectation, it might sound something like this:
“You really love reading! I’m so happy you enjoy story time so much. I love reading books with you too! Right now, it’s time to go to sleep, so why don’t you pick out a book that we can read together in the morning when you wake up”.
By being understanding and empathetic to your child’s desire to read more books, while still following through with your expectation, you are telling your child that you hear him, his feelings are important, and that going to sleep is important too.
Being able to set clear, consistent, and loving boundaries is a wonderful way for us to model positive behaviors for our children and teach them what is expected. If we can do this in a calm, understanding way, we are helping our children grow cognitively, and it can make our lives a bit easier! When it comes to bedtime, outlining expectations can help the bedtime process run much smoother, and will help your child feel calm and settled before bed, which in turn will help him sleep better! And who doesn’t want that?
How do you know what the right bedtime is for your child?
For sleep guidance, feel free to contact us or try our newborn sleep course or 4-12 month sleep course.
Sources Consulted:
https://childmind.org/article/teaching-kids-boundaries-empathy/
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17051/why-its-important-to-set-healthy-boundaries-with-your-kids.html
Need more advice? Check out these articles:
This is how early your child should be going to bed
Follow these steps to get your child sleeping on a schedule
This is why I’m so strict about an early bedtime for my baby
Five simple ways to establish a bedtime routine with your baby
How to transition kids back to a healthy sleep schedule before school starts